There is Something Seriously Wrong with Mr. K.

A sick girl came to me in an unreal world just to pass me some notes. It was someone whom i knew quite well and yet i could not recognize her. Her eyes were puffy and the face was somewhat swollen. Signs of fatigue was clearly etched on her face. The facial expression was a monotonous one with not even a slightest faint smile. She had some papers in her hands and she thrusted her hands to me with the papers tightly locked under the grip of her fingers. Then i realised who she was and i asked her" Are you alright?". It was a profoundly stupid question to ask as any idiot with eyes can see that she was sick. " Yes" came the short precise answer which sounded as if she was too tired for a conversation. I immediately dropped any further attempts to converse with her by just taking the white papers from her hands without any questions asked, except for a soft voiced" Thank you". I had no idea what were the papers for, nor did i bother. Sitting next to me was Joshua and he never uttered a word himself. We were there waiting for the bus at the bus stop near the Imrish Cafe. The girl then left and i turned my head to face Joshua to say something, and the next thing i knew was, it all turned blank. I have no idea what happened after that or what caused the sudden 'blackout' that caught me by surprise.

A day later, i was in my apartment room. I walked out of my room headed to the bathroom. I walked sleepily to my destination as my legs despised the cold tiles that made it shiver. I had no idea what time was it nor did i have the desire to find out. All i knew was, there was something very unreal about the whole thing. Something odd as if i am living in a world that does not exist. It felt similar like when i saw the sick girl in IKAL. Just before i entered the bathroom, i decided to look at my face in the mirror for no apparent reason. I realised that i have not shaved and my moustache and beard seem to have grown long. I reached for the razor lying orphaned on one corner of the table top. Just when my hands touched it, i lost the interest to shave and just retracted my hand. Suddenly i realised that my vision in my left eye was slightly blur. It was not clear and i felt that something is really wrong with my eyes. I looked at myself in the mirror again, this time closing in my face to its smooth spotless surface and to my horror, there were growths in both my eyes. I saw a thin layer of reddish skin growing on my eyes. It was a disgusting sight. One that will definitely make you want to vomit. Then i realised why i could not see clearly. I was petrified that i could not move. My mind was not working all of a sudden, my ears could not hear anything, my body was like a statue and all i could think of is, i am going blind. The fear gripped me and i felt defenceless and pathetic. Then it happened. All of a sudden, it went blank again. It became dark and i did not understand what happened.

For the past few days, especially this week i have been having some serious issues. Something is wrong with me. Whenever i sleep, i see some unpleasant images that are not exactly comforting to my heart. Nightmares and dreams seem to conquer my sleep. Sometimes when i wake up i do not feel like i even slept. I have doubts on whether i really slept and end up asking my room mate on whether i really did sleep. And to my surprise, the answer is yes. Loud and clear. No space or justification for doubts. I do not know why, is it the coffee or is the stress? I think it could be the stress. For the past few weeks, i have been working really hard on my SAT and studies that i have deprived myself of sleep. SAT really is something very challenging and it is an adversary that i fear the most. I guess the stress of preparing for this exam and the overworked me is the root cause of all this dreams. I feel stressed and pressured the most. Personally, i find it hard to take things easily, one of my staunchest weakness which i find hard to eliminate. At times, it makes me feel depressed that i lose my sense of humor and become very quiet in class. I find it hard to stop thinking about SAT and this really fills me with fear and nervousness that my mind and body aches with too much of stress. I get stressed out too often and depressed all the time. Sometimes i crack some ridiculous jokes in class. Ah, the class joker, nothing more than an empty jar of intelligence but a fully filled can of stupidity. It makes everyone else laugh but it fails to even carve a weak smile in my heart. That is what i am, the class joker. It sometimes makes me feel unimportant and totally useless. I do not seem to understand why i am facing all this things in life and why am i the only one lamenting about all this.

Come to think of it, i do not think i am even good for all this. I feel that there are other more deserving candidates out there who should have been rewarded with the JPA scholarship. Why me? It is unfathomable why i was selected. I am not good and sincerely speaking not an intelligent person. I am not good enough. With all this issues added with the inferiority that i often suffer in class due to the fact that i really am one of the least intelligent scholars, the stress mounts in me. I guess all this stress accumulate to create all this nightmares and unpleasant dreams. This explains it i guess. I have no idea when will all this end but deep down in my heart i still have a powerful shield that prevents me from withering. That is my last fotress, the final sole defence against the ever continuous salvos of stress and the artillary shells of depression. The final wall that separates me from failure. The final hope called the 'fighting spirit'. The last bastion of defence that keeps me going in life. It is the engine that propels me forward to put up the final battle against failure, against stress and against depression. When all other weapons run out of ammunition, this is the last weapon that can fire on its own without being reloaded. And this weapon is my last defence. When all hope is lost in me, there is always one thing left, the'fighting spirit'.